The feeling of letting go...

Many times, it is always easier to be said than done. This is indeed a truth, for most of us. Especially to me, of course.



Although I must admit, some times, memories did flashes back and dreams still persist! How to forget when one had already been deeply kept inside our heart? How to let go when the heart had kept it securely so that it would not be loosen? And...time... does time always heal when all had happened in the past?



Weird, I had pushed all my anger down to nowhere, just to try to be a better person. However, every recent moves and every recent incidents had caused me to bring up the anger to another level. I had tried my best, to be gentle for not to hurt anyone again...but it seems the more I tried to become another person, the more the hatred is pressured on me.



Hoping the best for you seems so fake from me. Do I really mean it? No! I do not. Deep inside me, there is this inner voice to tell me to not to be pretentious. This inner voice is telling me to start the war, to make everything worse, to cause chaos, to create catastrophe which is against all odds, to not to let go whatever should have been mine. My conscious me is telling me to be rational, to be considerate, to be gentle, to not to create troubles, avoid jealousy, and be more open. Am I able to do this?



I am not being negatively involved with my emotion, and I had been trying to be positive every time I know that subconscious should not be allowed and fully-controlled consciousness must be in place. Nevertheless, letting go still far from what I can image, and harder than what I had tried. Should you appear again in front of me, while you are the initial person whom had rejected me? Yes, and No. I had tried to keep and patch things up, with all my might, Yes, you should have accept it at least just once to indicate that you had let go. I had tried now for making the first step, and you are the one whom had prevented any steps to be taken; which I believe, you are just as similar as me, whom still can't let it go and yet, we are pretentious. Continue to block me in your telecommunication method, any sort of way, to prevent me to take a step further sound like a good choice for you, why do't you still keep that up, and now you don't? I had said I would not call and bother you anymore, which I will keep my promise as I am a person whom keep my words!

Problem with thesis submission

All this while, I thought I would not draw any of the onion series again... 

However, the recent tragedy that had happened to me which had caused me to have such agony and stress that I had fallen sick for 2 consecutive weeks. Now that is a serious problem, a huge problem....

I had tried to get my thesis submitted to school. A couple of months ago, I asked the so called personal in charge managing the research in the school about the thesis binding and etc. Not to my surprise, a standard typical answer will be given which is " I am not sure, you can check the given website and follow the guidelines", "I have no preference, it is all up to you", "Can I get back to you in a day or two, I need to check with the OZ side" and etc. I made my own decision and asked a senior whom had submitted regarding to the initial submission and guidelines. After much awaiting weeks for submission (the OZ side was having holiday seasons), I could finally send in.... Yet, I had this devastating feedback which was my binding was not accepted and please redo to be hard cover hard bound (with the I'm not sure, it's up to you typical answer) by the person-in-charge. I was totally shocked. How on earth an initial submission was to submit in hard cover hard bound? It will be a waste of time and a waste of money, totally INSANE?! I tried to negotiate and even pointed how the previous recent submission being done and accepted. The person-in-charge told me, the recent submission was done in hard cover hard bound. I was SHOCKED! The very same senior told me she did not submit in hard cover hard bound. Now, how did this person-in-charge forgotten the recent submission looks like, if she is the one handling it? My own presumption was that recent submission had been given to the assistant of who-so-ever the person-in-charge can get to hand it over.

I made numerous email to the OZ side to inquire about the initial binding and at last, I had the answer that stapler binding or sew binding is accepted. I called to the person-in-charge in the morning to double confirm and by the time I asked regarding to the matter, I immediately receive the forwarded email (I had the gmail page on to check if there is any incoming email). No doubt, the email was forwarded after I made the call.

Just when I thought everything goes well... I received an email stated that the appointed examiner was invalid due to conflict of interest. I was totally speechless and shocked. I had asked the person-in-charge if my appointed examiners were valid and accepted, and she replied the system had accepted the nomination and is waiting for me to submit my thesis. The notification email came in late to me as well. I received the forwarded email on 18/01/2013 and the OZ had send the email to the person-in-charge and my PI on 11/01/2013. I had a week blank and I was not informed at all until the person-in-charge did not get any respond from my PI. I would say, my PI do have the responsibility to at least check the email and had it forward to me; but my PI did not. When I forward the same email to both PIs (A&B) and one of them  (B) responded that the other PI had the new examiner list, it was a relief. Not too soon my relief ended by an email from the PI (A) stating that I have to asked the other PI (B) whom shall I nominate to fasten the process...(I thought the other PI (B) had discussed with PI (A) and issue settled?) A few minutes later, a follow-up email by PI (A) that he will send in email to the person-in-charge to rectify the issue.

What is your verdict? I had yet to check my email and I will login after this to have a quick look.

p/s: Everyone's case is a new case to the person-in-charge and she will forever, eternally use the same typical answer - She's new to the case, your case is unique, let me get back to you, it's all up to you... and etc. In case of inquiries, I would suggest to ask the OZ side directly to get the definite answer and show her the proof.

I thought it should have ended...

Sigh...



I thought it should have ended...



BUT...



It seems like the nightmare is still persisting... =.="



Please, I need to move on. Just let me go.

Talkative people...

I wonder why people don't know how to converse softly when someone is sleeping? Why this can't be considerate?



If this people is poor in hearing or what-so-ever, just speak directly face to face. Why on earth need to speak from downstairs to upstairs and vice versa?



For God's sake, couldn't this people shut up when other people is watching TV show? If were to converse, couldn't this people speak softly so that the other people can enjoy their show or movie?

Talkative people...please be considerate!

Please, I need the sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wonder why some people cannot be considerate and talk softly when someone is sleeping in the room?

Talking non-stop everywhere, so loud even it still can be heard when the conversation was downstairs at living room. Did I ever made noise the unnecessary noise when you are sleeping?

Please, I need the sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Focus...focus...

Now, please tell me... How to focus?



Ommmmmmmmmmmmm........ummmmmmmmmmmmmm.......dummmmmmmmmmmmmm........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

囧

Believe in God, as the truth is out there.

Believe in God, as HE knew the truth.

Believe in God, as people will deny the truth.

Believe in God, as the day comes-the truth will be revealed.

You might twisted the truth. You might denied the truth. 

You maybe laughing now, and I am crying behind;

But I believe, the truth is out there...

sh*t things happened followed by one and another...

This very morning was a fine day...



Until sh*t things happened followed by one and another...



My car... had been hit at the back... the bumper and sensor off...



Thank God the driver wasn't speeding... I can't imagine if the driver was speeding and hit the car hard...my car might had just smashed?!



Once in the lab.... I told the labmates the accident that had happened...





And out of the blue, just before I step out to photocopy some documents... Dyg told me that Pv wasn't feeling well. I stepped in to look for paracetamol and when I found the paracetamol, Pv collapse right in front of me.



Called the security to get some help, and the student service came to investigate...



I did not find the student service is giving any help. All they will do, normally when an emergency spotted, they will ask for student ID and whether the student is local or international student. I asked for a stretcher and they brought in wheelchair. @%$@%^@& [Pv already collapsed, semi unconscious and did not giving any respond when we were calling, and all they brought was a wheelchair as the form of transportation. Unless they wanted me to bandage Pv at the hand and at the legs for further movements if she was to be put to sit onto the wheelchair. Last two weeks, I faced a student having epilepsy and she just collapsed in front me me too. I came to help and provide some basic first aid, and the most important point at that moment was to preserve the victim at that position and only to move her, if she was in danger. Some one commented to bring her onto the couch while waiting for the ambulance- where the victim having seizure, she at least must be in the recovery position and she had to be monitored until she gave response as the signal she was regaining consciousness. It was not comfortable that matter at that moment, it was her life that is matter.]



I hope the student service can consider to get a in house clinic for any type of emergency. Student service should take this into consideration as providing the fastest aids to victims can save lives! The time for student service to reach was about 5-10 minutes. The time for them to confirm the student ID and to get the ambulance require another 5-10 minutes. Overall, the time they took was about 20 minutes. Can you imagine that whereby the SunMed is just situated nearby in less than 1km?!



Once Pv had been sent to hospital, I went out to get my own stuff done. And guess what? The door was spoil and no notice was given nor told. The slamming of the door towards me was hard, and hit my facial bone. I hope I would not have any contusion tomorrow morning when I wake up.



I hope Pv is fine now and get some rest. Maybe some getaways to relax....



After all those bad news, at least I had the person whom hit my car pay me the money to repair the car...



And Vic to informed me to go for a karaoke session this coming weekend to relax....



Thank you...

If this is what you see in me...

If this is what you see in me, then be it.



If this is what you want to see in me, then be it.



If this is what you had seen in me, then be it.

KILL ICE...

Out of a sudden,



I think a lot of people wanted to KILL ICE...



So, I made such thing...



For everyone to KILL ICE....

P/S: There is no second chance...

God Bless

Needless to say...



A picture tells thousand words...

what a day!!!!!

I don't know why, this person did not utilise her eyes to read the comments written in her paper.



She simply complaint regarding to don't know where she lost her marks, where all the comments were well stated!!!



Sigh, with people like this, my life span will be shorten...

Night~

Not enough sleep....



Insomnia...



Sigh... I should go to sleep now...

Night~

the special onion ~ four...

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scared to death...

the special onion ~ three...

Okay,



This is what you got when you want to hand in something to the onion, and the onion will use somebody's name to avoid the onion to performing the duty...



Yaya...the only way you could stand firm is to...

the special onion~three-

Here, the Onion will act as an angel and nicely says to you that the Onion is the only person you can seek....

I wonder, why the Onion only acted like an angel when the Onion's boss is looking...

~special onion too...

This was what had happened, when you're seeking Onion's advise, and the Onion will replied to you something like this.....

Special onion*

Okay, I am so speechless...

So to express myself, I drew this...

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today definitely is not my day

Okay...



Today definitely is not my day.



When I were driving out from Kota Kemuning towards shell for pumping in petrol, saw a very fast avanza driver, did not let way and driving very recklessly in the middle of the rain. (The driver was very fast, hence, I slowed down the car for the avanza drive to overtake me.)







When I were finished my petrol pumping at Shell, something happened on my way to drive out. (can you imagine how slow your car moving around at Petrol station...) When my car coming out at the same time an Ah Yi (auntie) open her car door without looking at my incoming car...the result was? My car right front bumper has some scratch and slightly loosen its alignment. Luckily I were driving superb slow at that time, the impact wasn't huge! The Ah Yi came down and said, I did not see/notice got car when I opened the door to her daughter. Her daughter came by and said to me that I can bring the car to her mechanic, cause her family owns a mechanic shop.



Fast deal, as I mentioned, I do not want to claimed superbly, I just want the little scratch and the loosen alignment to be fix. She gave me her number and vice versa, and she said Monday only can contact her mechanic as today is Sunday. So, I head off towards uni.....thinking that, what a day!!!!!



Alright, the story haven't ended until I reached uni and walked out from the car towards the uni main gate. Along the walkway, there was an irresponsible Gold Myvi car plate start with W...and splashed the rainwater all over my right side, inclusive my sling bag, and my pants and my shirt. Luckily I manage to move the bag and saved the computer bag from getting wet. Now when I am typing this, I am soaking wet (my right side), and freaking cold. [I do not think that the driver did not saw me, I am so huge!!! The driver driving superbly fast after the bumper, and speed off after knowing somebody has been splashed.. =="]



All would not be happened if...I go out earlier or later, but all these happened at the same time that I were happened to be, at a wrong place at the right time!!! =="



Okay, chinese saying that a person will have 3 bad(s) and 6 good(s)...Now can I say that the bad(s) token had been used up? Can I expect something good happen?

- trust???

I will say of the LORD, " He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." 

                                                                        Psalm  91:2 (NIV)

 I trust that there is something called destined, arranged by our Creator...



Are you with me?